Well, I didn’t see this coming.
A few months ago I made a post about exploring “real job” opportunities. I believe in the power of the universe and while many may have questioned my strategy to “go public” with my decision, I knew if I wanted something new then I needed everyone to know it too. Also, as a career coach, I know the power of a mobilized network and that the majority of jobs people obtain come from a network connection, not a random online application. So given what was on my heart, I told the world I wanted to give up my business to work for someone else because I was craving stability, collaboration, and connection.
Plans sometimes go our way. Sometimes they don’t. This is a story about the latter.
And, ya’ll, this is a hard experience to share. While I pride myself on being authentic, it is still a very vulnerable thing to tell the world. This is a story about a career coach who didn’t get a job. WOOF– I’ve been dreading writing that line for a while now.
At the end of February I wrote a blog post called, “Back to Busy” where I detailed my journey as a stay-at-home mom and entrepreneur. When I started in 2018, I never meant it to be “forever”. My plan was to stay home with my kids while they were itty bitty. I also wanted to keep my career alive—in part, because I loved coaching—and because as an extrovert I knew I wouldn’t love being isolated at home without opportunities to connect with people.
Upon publishing the post I was thrilled with the outpouring of support. Many people sent me enthusiastic messages of encouragement regarding my decision to “go back to work”. Literally within days of posting, I was on the phone discussing an opportunity to be a HR Director for an international organization. CEOs were asking to sit down with me. I felt like I was on top of the world and that my dream of being back within an organization was going to be easy to achieve. The universe and the people of the world obviously wanted this for me.
But then things went a little sideways. The HR job didn’t feel like the right “fit” for me. The first CEO I talked to was great at selling me his organization, but they didn’t have an open role I’d fit in. I didn’t let these first setbacks slow me down. I kept meeting people, and discussing opportunities, but it was never quite right. I told myself I was going to have a job by May— the month my kids started full-time preschool—but in May I still had a few exciting prospects in the pipeline. I let this self-set deadline pass, thinking I just needed to give it more time. The companies I was interviewing with had slow summer hiring processes, but they aligned with my skills and interests so I was confident I was on the cusp of something made for me.
I finally heard back from one employer, and it was a big fat NO. They did not want to hire me. This was a very notable and lovable local organization. It was an opportunity I applied for the old fashioned way, online. I poured my career coaching self into tailoring my resume, I busted out my strongest cover letter writing skills and I wowed (or so I thought) as much as I could during three different interviews. I was confident that this would be my job.
To see the rejection email was a huge gut-punch. A come-to-Jesus, what am I doing with my life, who am I and who do I think I am—type of feeling.
While they said they wanted someone with a different skill set, I couldn’t move past the fact that they didn’t want me. I didn’t feel good enough. And because I had spent the better part of five months looking for a job my confidence took a huge hit. I have coached many people over the years—I’ve even written about it—but I don’t know if I had ever personally experienced rejection like this. How do you really stay resilient in your job search when everything seems to not work out? Of course, I knew the answer was a mix of grit, habits, and connections, but my mind wasn’t thinking straight because my heart was broken. My determination had faded.
At this point I had one promising lead still in the hopper, and I set my sights on that. Surely I was destined for this company. That must be what the universe is telling me. I was determined to achieve my goal of landing a “real” job.
That leads us to September. After months of meetings and interviews, this final company handed me an offer. A position literally written for me. You’d think I’d be overjoyed.
In reality, I wanted to cry. I didn’t even know why exactly, but when the offer was laid out in front of me, my first response was to hold back tears.
The offer was a good one. It was an offer with promise, prestige, and room to grow, but something wasn’t right. So I negotiated. We discussed the title, the compensation package, and the expectations of this new role. After a couple rounds of back and forth, I finally had the final, final offer. So here it was, months of work went into this. I got what I wanted. Only, I didn’t want it anymore.
I was pissed at myself. I was disappointed, and frankly–I was scared. But I knew I didn’t want this job.
After a lot of reflection, I realized the thing I wanted was what I had all along, my business.
Once I sat with myself and turned inward I saw things more clearly. I finally noticed the business opportunities that kept showing up in my inbox despite my lack of marketing over the last few months. I finally heard the voices of people telling me the world needed what I had to offer. Most importantly, I finally felt the overwhelming sense of loss when I actually considered giving up the business I had created.
It would be easy for me to feel like I wasted an entire summer. I could have been building my business, but instead I was chasing around a dream I thought I wanted. I feel some regret and shame around this, but I also feel fortunate for the journey. I was feeling burnt out, lonely, and isolated. I thought the grass would be greener on the steady paycheck side of the fence with water cooler conversations and Christmas parties. What I know now is the grass is greener where you water it. I have a renewed sense of determination, motivation, and energy around my business that I couldn’t have gotten if I didn’t fully explore the opportunities on the other side of the fence.
You might be asking why am I sharing this with you?
Well, first I told the world I was going to exit the business and get a job. It’s only right that I give you an honest update.
Second, I do not think my experience is unique. Sure, many people do not own businesses and decide to look for a job, but many people do question their current career path. Many people wonder if they should switch companies, change industries, or give it all up to be a stay-at-home dog parent. Some people act on these desires and end up happy, but many people find themselves in a spiral of regret, shame, and disappointment—much like myself. I truly believe we need each other in this world. We are meant to be in community and learn from one another. If sharing my story brings one person a sense of relief to know they are not alone—and maybe the confidence to move forward—then it’s worth sharing. Hopefully, my story can inspire others to be more open about career/life struggles.
And finally, I am sharing this story with you to tell you that I am back in business. Truly refocused and energized to help people love their careers, but this time with an added layer of doing it together. That’s what it’s been about all along.
Togetherness is a powerful force that can combat the biggest imposter syndrome, the most stubborn self-doubt, and the, at-times, overwhelming fear that comes along with being a human.
I will still be offering Gallup CliftonStrengths development for teams and organizations. In fact, I will have more offerings to include transformational change utilizing people’s talents. This is perfect for organizations who are looking to re-engage their workforce showing employees that the business cares about investing in them and their development.
I am also going to be introducing a new type of mastermind group for entrepreneurs and business professionals. These groups will focus on brainstorming with others, creating goals, holding each other accountable, and encouraging a positive mental attitude.
And finally, career coaching will still be a part of my business suite, but with a new face—literally— my former colleague, friend, and overall career coach badass Janessa Hageman will be joining in. She is one of the best career coaches I know and I trust her immensely to guide people on resume development, interview preparation, and general career coaching for folks looking to make a change in their professional situation.
If you are still reading this, then you’ve probably been following along on this journey with me for a while now. I hope you know how much I value authenticity and vulnerability, and I wouldn’t be able to be so open without a community who supported and lifted me up during my moments of doubt. Thank you to everyone who has ever sent a kind DM, met for coffee to process all of it, or sent out a positive thought or prayer on my behalf.
I often talk to my kids about how to handle it when your plans change; I just didn’t realize I was also speaking to myself. No matter how old we get, there will be plot twists in our stories. It’s knowing how to handle them that writes your next chapter.